Don't Worry, Be Happy Pt. 2

In my prior post (Part 1), I mentioned that we seem to be grumpier and less happy in our society today. It is no doubt a reflection of the times in which we live. Life is difficult on so many levels and it seems as though each day brings a new struggle. Yet, despite the every day hardships we face, we don't have to let them control us. In fact, the Bible gives us some principles to follow to help us to overcome the tendency to let our circumstances, the people in our lives and our problems make us unhappy. These principles are found in Philippians 4:4-7.

⁴  Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ⁶  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Previously, we looked at the first Principle, which teaches us how to deal with our circumstances.

Principle #1 - Greet Every Situation with Rejoicing - v.4

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice

We must understand that what God wants for us in this life is not happiness, but joy. We can experience joy (a settled satisfaction and contentment that comes from our relationship with Him) when we realize what it means to rejoice "in the Lord." To rejoice in the Lord does not mean that we ignore our responsibilities. Neither does it mean that we evade obvious issues. Rather, it means we are to be fully cognizant of the situation we are in, fully prepared to deal with it responsibly, and fully convinced of the power of the Lord to give us wisdom, grace and courage to deal with whatever comes along. When we adopt this attitude it will not produce a giddy irresponsibility or a naive ecstasy, but a deep, mature, responsible faith that rests on God's sovereign goodness.

Sometimes though, it isn't so much the the situations that make our life difficult, but the people in it! That leads us to our second principle.


Principle #2 - Treat Every Person with Gentleness - v.5

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men, the Lord is near. 

Drama, no one likes drama. It's draining, frustrating and sometimes infuriating. But since we are all humans, it is a fact of life. Believe it or not there was even drama in the early church. In the verses immediately preceding our passage, Paul describes some kind of conflict that was going on between two women in the church (a first century cat-fight?). 

² I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord. ³ Indeed, true companion, I ask you also to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel, together with Clement also and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

We don't know what the specifics of the conflict were, but Paul calls on others to help them work it out and then he goes on to describe the principles we are discussing here. This context helps us to see that people can and do cause us heartaches and headaches alike. 

I know in my own life, other people have made me unhappy just as often as my circumstances. When that happens, I always ask myself, "what is the best way to deal with that person?" Some people are just toxic and probably should be kept at arms length. You know the types, the drama queens (or kings), the judgmental jerks, the know-it-alls, the bullies, the negative Nellies and so on. For those types of people, boundaries are important. If you let them get too close, they will make you miserable.

On the other hand, we are all damaged in some way. Granted, some people are clearly healthier than others, but we all have our issues. It is easy for us to spot the dysfunction in others, but not so easy for us to see it in ourselves. We all have blind spots, as I call them. When Jesus said, "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3-4) He was making this point. So, while we need to be careful about who we allow into our lives because of their toxic nature, we also need to recognize that we have been infected by our own short-comings as well. 

Additionally, much of the time, the most toxic people we know, are those closest to us i.e. family. What then do you do with them? Again, boundaries are critical and there is no principle that says you must allow them to drag you down. However, the reality is that you are going to have to deal with them from time-to-time. In that case, Philippians 4:5 tells us what our approach should be.

The key to this principle is understanding the phrase "gentle spirit." It is a single word in the Greek (the New Testament was written in the Greek language and translated into English). The word that Paul chose to use is epiekes. This word is said to be one of the most untranslatable of all Greek words. Why? Because it can’t be translated with one English word. In fact, if you look at the various Bible translations the word is translated like this...

KJV - moderation
NASB - forbearing spirit
NIV– gentleness
RSV– forbearance 
NKJV - gentleness
NEB - magnanimity
Wuest – sweet reasonableness

All of these words taken together give us an idea of its meaning. Personally, I think the word forbearing gives us the best idea of the meaning of the word only because gentleness carries a connotation of weakness.

To be forbearing is to not be carried away with an obsession about unimportant matters to the point of fighting over them. It is the quality of going beyond the letter of the law, of going beyond justice. A forbearing person is convinced that it is better to suffer wrong than to inflict wrong. A forbearing person is willing to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. The point is that you are in control of your response. You are not getting walked all over, but you are being gracious with the other person because you are bigger than they are i.e. magnanimity.

Here, Paul is exhorting the Philippians to avoid that inflexible attitude that will not bend or yield to the opinions of others. He is encouraging the cultivation of the right spirit toward one another.

Commentator William Hendricksen describes it as  the quality as big-heartedness. He writes:

“...true blessedness cannot be obtained by the person who rigorously insists on whatever he regards as his just due. The Christian is the man who reasons that it is far better to suffer wrong than to inflict wrong (I Cor. 6:7). Sweet reasonableness is an essential ingredient of true happiness. Now such big-heartedness, such forbearance, the patient willingness to yield wherever yielding is possible without violating any real principle, must be shown to all, not only fellow believers.”

And indeed Paul says, let your gentle spirit be known to all men. To Christians and non-Christians alike. To liberals and conservatives alike. To friends and enemies alike. To the pessimist and optimist alike. We may not always see eye to eye, but we should avoid being nasty about it.

Some of you may be asking, but why Jim? Why should I be magnanimous and big-hearted when my toxic friend is such a jerk? What is my motivation? Paul answers that as well.

The Lord is near

This motivation can be viewed both positively and negatively.

Positively, Paul reminds them that the Lord is near. Interestingly, the word epiekes is used of God to describe His character. Although He is sovereign and all-powerful, He tempers Himself and shows Himself to be forbearing and gentle to His subjects. Jesus Himself displayed this quality in His life. I can testify that the Lord has been forbearing and gentle with me on an ongoing basis! He has shown me mercy and grace and patience time and time again. How hypocritical of me to demonstrate anything less to His other children.

Negatively, Paul reminds them the Lord is near. The Lord is near to us even now, He is omniscient and He knows all that we think and do. He is aware of our responses to others. Not only that, but Jesus Christ could return at any moment, that means that we will someday give an account for our actions and dealings with others. That is a powerful motivation for us to be gentle with all men.

So my friends, are you unhappy and grumpy because of others? Practice good healthy habits with them if necessary (setting boundaries for example), but in all of your interactions with others treat every person with gentleness. When you do, I think you'll find that they no longer have control over you and your daily disposition.

And now for a little ecumenical love fest!